Draco threw off his cloak. "All right then, let's get this done."
Neville blinked at him like nothing more than a stoned owl. "Pardon?"
"Really, Neville, I would think you of all people would understand. I have no intention of dying a virgin, and as you and I are the only two people on this wonderful top-secret two-man assignment, I see very few options to relieve myself of this burden," Draco said with much impatience.
"Ah," Neville said. Draco was mildly surprised at how well he tamped the bemusement he was obviously feeling. "Here's the thing, though, Draco: I'm not."
Draco's eyes widened. "You're--you--what?--*you*?" he sputtered, stumbling down to sit on a convenient bench.
Neville sat down next to him and patted his arm comfortingly. "Yes, there now, Draco, I lost it to Pansy Parkinson in fifth year."
He didn't think Draco could be any more shocked than he already was, but Draco had always been one to surpass expectations. "Pansy Parkinson? Pansy. Parkinson."
"It was something of a dare, if I understood correctly, and I think it made Pansy mad enough to actually take it through all the way. I don't remember much of it, if that helps. She called me a twat, that I do remember. And she had nice hands," Neville said musingly.
Draco's head dropped into his hands. "I don't believe you," he said, muffled by his fingers.
"Ah, well, it happened," Neville replied with certainty. "My camera happened to be sitting on the table, and one well-angled photo was enough to keep her and her awful friends from taunting me for the rest of our school years." He paused a minute. "And it was good to, ah, look back on, if you know what I mean."
Draco gave a strangled laugh, and Neville patted him on the back again, though it didn't seem to help much.
After a couple minutes of Draco making random noises of shock and disbelief, and Neville trying to find the wood-paneled walls as interesting as he could, Draco finally shook himself, stood up, and turned to Neville. "Fine, then. I can--well, I can't understand this, as there is apparently no true justice in the world, but as I am still a virgin and as we are still most likely going to our deaths by way of Death Eaters in less than ten hours, I demand that we have sex, now. I refuse to die a virgin, which goes double because you aren't one. So strip."
Neville stared at him for a minute or so, enough time to have Draco anxiously tapping his foot. "This is by far the stupidest situation I have ever had the misfortune to be in," he said. Then he stood and began to unbutton his shirt. "However, I think--god help me, I can't believe I'm saying this, but--you might be right. And I'm twenty years old. The wood paneling makes me want to have sex."
Draco grabbed his tie and pulled him in for a kiss, and Neville's hands went flying from his shirt. When he pulled back, Draco had a fierce smile on his face and said, "Good."
words © SA. characters, show, and people not mine. no infringement is intended.